Leaving myself

This night I left myself.
I couldn't help it.

Hurriedly I did some attempts to prevent. Swallowed sticky whisky, gobbled down black chocolate, hoping for the glue. Long skinny fingers trying to grab just anything.

But the threads were too weak, they broke off immediately. It were all uncontrolled nervous gestures to hold on.

And then it was too late. There was total separation. A person that used to be me was shaking on the bed.

I tried to return, but the way back was full of barricades, thoughts that had no meaning, no chance of getting through. Quickly I even lost that sight, and with a broken voice called friends to ask whether they had seen me around, whether they could pinpoint me all right. Some had vague ideas, they had seen me the other day. The hints they gave me turned out to be useless all along.

It was me who had to return. Only I knew the directions. Vaguely, but I knew. Tonight I will try to stay.



The only piece I can play: