Strength

We were sitting in an old historic cafe in the center of the city both overtly overdressed. Our daily boring routine had pushed us into an exaggerate compensation for this one occasion that we were able to leave the crib.  My friend was having some hard liquor and I was sipping a double whiskey on the rocks. People were looking at us, at those crazy girls with long black dresses and glamorous make-up. We were only focused on each-other.

We needed to catch up many weeks in very few minutes.
My friend was talking in a composed and firm way.

'I told him, you're in or you're out. And when he then started murmuring a bit, I raised my voice and told him to leave it at that. That I wanted to end it here'.

I nodded sheepishly, not quite sure what to say. She looked happy and relieved, as if magical forces had overtaken her gloomy tiredness.

'I feel so much better', she continued, 'At least now I know my starting point. Being alone'.

I listened to my friend and was astonished at her decisiveness.  She had the guts to close doors, to make things clear and easy for herself.

'I don't like things to be vague', she said.  'Transparency is my new mantra'.

Myself I was more in rocky hazy grey landscape now, continuously postponing the land of black and white, not knowing how to change my situation. In my world, the guy wasn't in or out. He was somewhere in between, and the country borders seemed to change every day. After all those tiring years, it started to become difficult to defend my war.

'So, but when he started murmuring, what did he say?' I finally asked.

She looked at me in a slightly dazzled way, as if it was a sin to be interested in utterances that investigated Human Doubt. Clearly I had read too many books, being too much aware of the human subtleties and inconsistencies. In my world, irresolution could go hand in hand with love and people could do the opposite of what they meant. I guess that was my pitfall. And my strength.

'He told me he didn't like my decision, but I had made up my mind. I am sticking to my point'.

I wondered when Decisiveness would ever inspire me. During which starry night the gods would finally condemn my mind to òne single compass point, walking òne single path? My life started to look like a labyrinth and there were very few companions left on my route. I guess I had only myself left to talk too. So my new mantra was silence.

The only thing I knew was that I was doing it and that therefore it was good. And I didn’t need any proof.

Mothers and Daughters: part II

There are a few things you experience only once in life.
Like the death of a parent.
And the death of the other parent.

They've even invented a word for this.
Six letters that clarify your new position
and reset all connections you have built up so far.

You're now an orphan by definition,
Better let the word sink in for a while.
There are several things no one warns you for.
Actually most things no one warns you for,

From now on the endless running stops
And everything around you is finally real.